Boys! Men! Please Stop the Emo Hairstyle Insanity

Justin Bieber, Peter Wentz, Zac Efron and Christian Siriano – Emo victims

I hate Justin Bieber’s hair. I really don’t know who he is – I think he’s a singer, but I don’t care. I see his hair and any miniscule of interest I might have had in finding out more about him has left the building. He may be very talented, but I just can’t get past his hair. Matter of fact, I can’t stand this hairstyle on any boy or man. It’s not flattering, especially if you don’t have the face for it – not that anyone really has the face for it. The first time that I noticed this horrific hairstyle was on manchild Zac Effron and Peter Wentz, the bass player from Fall Out Boy. Of course Wentz compounded the ugliness of his hair disaster by wearing tons of black eyeliner so much that even a raccoon would question it.

You don’t know what an ’emo’ hairstyle looks like? You probably didn’t know what it was called but you damn well have seen these hair follicle disasters in your local area. You have probably thought that the person wearing this hairstyle was having a bad hairday or they were suffering from hat head for keeping their hat on for too long. Well now you know, unfortunately, that this hairstyle was done on purpose.

I hate how the hair is plastered to a guy’s head like he’s wearing a bad wig. I hate how that it is so long in the front that the offender is constantly brushing it to the side so that he can see. I hate how some wearers look like they haven’t washed their hair in days because they have so much gel plastered on it to hold the style. I hate how some guys wear the style blow-dried to perfection that they look like they’re wearing a bowl on their head. I hate how the style makes guys with weak chins look elfin-like. I hate how the style makes guys with block jaws look like a man servant in a bad medieval film. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I had hoped that once Wentz and Efron saw the error of their ways and got rid of their emo styles that their acolytes would follow, but this did not happen. Justin Bieber happened and the style saw new life.

I’m not saying that I’m against boys or men wearing hairstyles that cover some of their face – see actor Corbin Bleu, NBA player Dirk Nowitski or model Gabriel Aubry. I’m just saying that it shouldn’t be the very first, second and third thing that you notice about a person because their hairstyle is so visually overwhelming. It’s the only thing you will notice and remember about them, which is a bad thing if/when they decide to rid themselves of their unfortunate hairstyle.

Men can do a lot with their hair which is a wonderful thing. Why pick the worse style possible when there are so many more pleasing options?

Needy, Nerdy Geek Squad Alert

The past two issues of GQ Magazine have feature the actors Shia LaBeouf and Jake Gyllenhaal on their covers. They are not bad-looking guys. I would go so far and say that they are cute, possibly adorable. But when I hear people refer to them as ‘hot’ I have to draw the line since is simply not true. I know that many will disagree with me but I must stand my ground. You’ll say that I have something against nerds or you’ll remind me that still waters run deep. It’s not that I have anything against men who lean towards the nerdy side, but if you want that vibe with an edge you should take a look at Edward Norton. He is hot and I wouldn’t mind rolling around the hay with him for a weekend.

Shia and Jake just give off a ‘good friend’ vibe that I just can’t shake. Also their waters are pretty shallow, not in the emotional sense but in the levels of fascination that neither of them exude. I like men who don’t look like that I can knock them out. I’m not saying that I’m only attracted to ├╝ber heterosexual men such as Schwarzenegger or some other muscleheads. When I think of strong, fascinating men Daniel Craig, Terence Stamp, Morris Chestnut, Hugh Jackman, Hiroyuki Sanada, and Hill Harper come to mind. It’s time that GQ get back to basics and start putting some seasoned men back on their covers instead of these puppy dog types who look like they need a box of tissue.